Would someone please explain to me how a president has not been elected running on the platform of NO MORE DIRECT MARKETING. Seriously. Even GWB would earn my vote if he ran on this one.

Ok, so I wouldn't vote for him if he ran on a platform of an openminded supermodel in every home, but maybe I would bitch about him less.

Frankly, I find this the most offensive part of modern American society. I'm getting ten new spam messages a day on my private home email - directed to me by name! I’ve been pimped out! I get dozens more anonymously every day on my public Yahoo account. Instant messages, text messages, phone calls, junk mail (at least my super cool and strangely attractive mail carrier who I would probably consider a gay relationship with if I was even mildly interested in dick tosses all the flyers and coupons for me). I feel like I'm drowning in advertisements I don’t want for things I don’t need in places I don’t expect.

It's promotional bukkake, and I'm the one who has to towel off the mess.

Look, I can totally handle advertisements in magazines and trade rags, on television, and in public spaces. It funds the tools and the information and the entertainment I do desire. But my home and my phone is my space. It’s my time. I am not selling or buying or sharing that time or space with anyone. I don't want your message. I don't want your product. And I don't want to be bothered. Not even for cheap Viagra, discount carpet care, free trips to Disneyland or low, low introductory interest rates.

Have at me the minute I walk out that door. Bludgeon me with influence and information if I invite you into my home, regardless of modality. But until I open that door or flip that switch or push that button or fill in that blank, your unwelcome and uninvited attempts to extract money from my wallet feels dirty and coarse and violating. I love the free market as much as anyone. But shouldn't we expect some ethics in our advertising? Some control to our capitalism? Listen guys, just because you were invited to the orgy doesn't give your permission to fuck everyone in the room.