Maybe.
I had a strange day yesterday. A weird, male hormonal moment. I think I was PMSing. Either that or just getting a jump start on the whole mid-life crisis. A day of almost total self-loathing. I hated my job. I hated my position in life. I hated my decisions. I hated my heart. I felt trapped. Fraudulent. Rotten. Disenchanted. Disenfranchised. Disgusted. Desperate. Lonely. Afraid. Jealous. Shallow. Controlled. Contrived. Incomplete. Insecure. And professionally impotent. I was tired of wanting. Tired of waiting. Tired of me.
But I went to the gym. Tried to refocus. Climbed some walls. Moved some weights. Put on some Sarah McLachlan remixes. Simultaneously low key and up tempo. Tried to find some zen while trying to resist the urge to do some serious air humping.
Ok, so maybe I didn't resist all that hard.
I'm not sure I'm back to myself. Maybe I need a change. Maybe I need a beer. Maybe I need to get laid. Maybe I just need to spend a lot more time exploring the spaces outside my head rather than inside it.
Maybe.
Comments
Everybody feels that way sometimes. It's like being trapped in a wall, in a dead end. But it's temporary. You'll be back to your original, pornolicious self in no time. Just hang in there. Cheer up!
Posted by: Christy | March 24, 2004 02:30 AM
Oh, sorry about that. That was me. I've been transferring my personae to other people. That was me while I was unemployed. I've already transferred my rage to Chrisafer, my need for withdrawl to Bubba, and my hothead to my friend Brian. I must have transferred the whole low self-esteem thing to you the other day.
Posted by: jimbo | March 24, 2004 07:30 AM
Those days are tough, but I think they're valuable. I'm impressed you saw it as challenging DAY instead of "this is how I now feel/think for the rest of my life."
Enjoy the downtime. We'll all be here when you're back to the new and improved Jimbo.
-J
Posted by: Jim (kaya) | March 24, 2004 08:34 AM
For a moment there, I thought you'd written "Flatulent." Phew.
Posted by: Chair | March 24, 2004 09:22 AM
If you figure out how to get out of your head, please let me know. I must escape my head's thought loops.
Posted by: sid | March 24, 2004 09:38 AM
How did my life end up a post on Digital Catharsis? Well, except for the wall-climbing and Sarah McLachlan bits. :}
I've felt like that way too often lately. I agree with your assessment - time for a change. Although, a beer and a good lay is a fine temporary patch.
Posted by: AVERAGE JOE | March 24, 2004 09:41 AM
Maybe you just need to come out of the closet already.
Actually I see no reason why you shouldn't be ecstatic to wake up every morning. But I'll allow one day of sulking, but after that SHUT UP!
Posted by: Angela | March 24, 2004 12:00 PM
Relax and enjoy the farting Tilton.
Posted by: melly | March 24, 2004 12:07 PM
Sounds like you had what a friend of mine calls a "Second Monday." It seems a lot of people I know have had a Second Monday this week, in one way or another; must be contagious. Hope you're feeling better, and don't end up having a "Third Monday"!;-)
Posted by: Tina | March 24, 2004 04:46 PM
sorry chair, no more veggie chili for me.
Posted by: the mighty jimbo | March 24, 2004 08:13 PM
There is something so hot about your air humping quality. So hot.
Posted by: jaden | March 24, 2004 08:21 PM
Whoa. You weren't kidding about your bad days! You totally need a back rub.
Posted by: April | March 24, 2004 10:12 PM
Awww... I was feeling like you, too.
I had to do traffic court for my birthday, I'm flat broke, have another ticket coming to the same court for more money and I deliver pizza.
(Sending big hug)
Sometimes you just feel like sludge.
You got a back rub for me whenever you are in DC to get it.
-D
Posted by: Devorah | March 25, 2004 12:16 PM
dev, that's just enough excuse i need for a trip to dc.
Posted by: the mighty jimbo | March 25, 2004 05:32 PM