The gayest post in the history of gay posts.
It's that time of year again in Southern California. When the air is warm, the hills are green, and nubile, bikini-clad college girls suddenly re-appear on the beach. It's a time when the young SoCal metrosexual turns his thoughts to love. The metrosexual will frequently be found parading around at night in his spring plumage in search of a mate. Or two. Preferably two. Lesbian Asian twins if at all possible. But after the fourth Sapphire and tonic, he usually isn't too discriminating.
The male metrosexual is oft found in lounges and night clubs, parties and restaurants, or riding in almost comically overcompensating H2s and small German sports cars all the way from Encino to Laguna Beach, his chest freshly bronzed from a spritz at the local Fake 'n Bake, and his skin oiled and heavily scented from a recent shopping trip to Macy's or the Christmas present from his most recent stripper girlfriend.
The most distinctive characteristic of the metrosexual in heat is the man blouse. The man blouse is easily identified by it's traditionally tight fit, it's wide collar and it's elegantly sloppy, dangerously untucked and slightly disheveled appearance. The man blouse is always worn partially unbuttoned, as the metrosexual is convinced that women like cleavage as much as he does.
Here we see an example of the classic, Lycra man blouse. In bright royal blue, this blouse is easily paired with either a black suit or jeans. Favored by junior advertising execs and publicists, this blouse says I'm fit. I'm polished. And dammit, I'm going somewhere. Hopefully not home alone to beat off to internet porn again.
The vintage man blouse. Cowboy pattern, pearl snaps. A dangerously wide collar. This is the blouse of choice for the artist, the surf punk, or the really, really over-confident mortgage broker. It screams I'm artsy. I'm exciting. I have herpes and totally won't tell you about it. Or I'm really, really, really gay.
The blue velvet blouse. And yes, that's real velvet. Not seen as frequently as in years past. It's still a solid choice when paired with leather pants on a metrosexual convinced Lenny Kravitz is a musical genius. This is the blouse for the aspiring musician just desperate to crash a threesome in the Playboy Mansion's grotto.
The red silk blouse. Traditionally paired with tight black flat front trousers, this is the preferred blouse for the metrosexual who really doesn't care if he gets laid as he is just a little too enthusiastic about touching himself.
Ah, my favorite. The ubiquitous white fitted man blouse. This particular version an excellent example of European styling. Complete with square buttons and a unique crinkle pattern. Easily paired with suits, jeans, khakis, and if you are really lucky, your dance partner's new silicone breasts in the morning. It announces that this metrosexual is sophisticated! Confident! And too fucking lazy to wear something even mildly original.
Ah, the black, see-through, mesh Kenneth Cole. Fitted. Airy. The perfect choice for the desperate, insecure Narcissist just aching to show off to the club (or to the internet) what $1500 in personal training and/or $4000 in implants can do to his chest. Chest waxing optional though highly recommended for hooking up with strippers, porn stars, or gay men from Miami.
Comments
God I feel so gay right now. I have so many of these, especially the faux-vintage gayman ones. Check out Iguana Vintage next time you're in the valley.
Posted by: sean | March 15, 2004 08:06 PM
Rrrrrawrr.
That was directed at the last photo. Yum.
Posted by: Kat | March 15, 2004 08:09 PM
I'll repeat what I said on Yahoo...I'm a big fan of the man blouse, especially crumpled in a ball on the floor (or, in the metrosexual's case, tastefully laid over a chair arm).
Hot and funny at the same time. Nicely done.
Posted by: Elizabeth | March 15, 2004 08:32 PM
Baby, if all you can do on that bed of yours is take pics of your metrosexual clothes you are doing something wrong. With a bod like that you should be pumping not pimping.... What comes to mind is that song that goes... "take me home tonight"... love the pics and the body shot!!
Posted by: Lilith | March 15, 2004 09:43 PM
i feel so used.
Posted by: dvl | March 15, 2004 10:02 PM
Just finish shopping and felt the need to share?
Posted by: daisy | March 16, 2004 05:28 AM
Just finish shopping and felt the need to share?
Posted by: daisy | March 16, 2004 05:28 AM
Very creative, I like it.
Posted by: Glovia | March 16, 2004 05:49 AM
Great, more of Jimbo's furry pecs with my morning coffee... :P
(pencils in trip to gym tonight)
Posted by: AVERAGE JOE | March 16, 2004 06:27 AM
Oh just come out already.
Posted by: TN | March 16, 2004 06:51 AM
i can't wait for you to model the summer swimsuit line!!
Posted by: brent | March 16, 2004 07:07 AM
Jim, Jim.... I'm laughing my ass off over here! Don't quite know what to say... this is brilliant... oh, and nice 6-pak! ;)
Posted by: cee | March 16, 2004 07:17 AM
you know elaine on seinfeld writes clothing catalogue entries, right? i'm going with gay. and that last shirt would do best staying in the closet, everytime i see a guy wearing a shirt like that in a club i do my best to take the longest route around him. it screams "i'm so cool, look at me!" you've got the right idea, taking it off.
Posted by: tassy | March 16, 2004 07:52 AM
tassy, if anyone on this site knows i'm not actually gay, its you.
;-)
Posted by: the mighty jimbo | March 16, 2004 07:59 AM
Sorry Tassy, I think he is fuckalicious :-)
Posted by: Lilith | March 16, 2004 08:00 AM
You are so gay. "Metrosexual" my ass. Wait til mom gets wind of this one....:)
Posted by: Your lil Sis | March 16, 2004 10:10 AM
HOLEE SHIT!!! Lookit that chest! Son, you're in trouble. I second the Kat's "Mrrrowr!" Again, bitch, you got better clothes than this homo, hands down (my pants right now).
Just so we all get a hot underwear pic some day from Mighty Jimbo, East Coast Jimbo recommends 2xist undies, as linked from my recent blog entry (www.2xist.com). Not only are they rugged and last a long time, but they are comfy, AND they make your ass look great and your package stick out better. My milkshake looks better than yours because of it, and it's what all the pretty gay boys with bodies like Mighty Jimbo wear.
Posted by: East Coast Jimbo | March 16, 2004 10:24 AM
This is pushing the metrosexual thing a little bit. Metro's know what looks good and why....but online fashion shows...? Well I guess the first time doesn't make you gay but.....
Posted by: TN | March 16, 2004 11:03 AM
dude. if you say "metrosexual" one more time, i'ma kill you.
and those man blouses? hahahahah. sure, they're stylish, but in a "i'm a follower, because i don't want to take a chance on being out of style" way. i think i've seen that dude on Elimidate.
Posted by: mikey | March 16, 2004 11:41 AM
I'm liking the vintage shirt, and there's something to be said for the plain white look. However, where's the obligatory pink, fitted, linen shirt?
Posted by: Nicole | March 16, 2004 11:47 AM
Titillating photos. I like the red silk the best, but I'm with Tassy, much better to take them off, that way your "fresh" man-scent can be savored! Notice I did say "fresh!" BTW...nice phraseology! ;D
Posted by: Katie | March 16, 2004 02:29 PM
Viva los Beefcake pics!
Posted by: jaden | March 16, 2004 03:16 PM
mikey, i was so not on elimidate. but i did once get filmed for "love connection."
nicole, there is NO pink in my wardrobe. i'm FAUXmosexual. not HOmosexual.
katie, you are seriously killing my high with this talk of man scent. fresh or otherwise.
and jaden, i got a whole big file of those pics. you show me yours and i'll show you mine. good lord i'm turning into such a slut.
Posted by: the mighty jimbo | March 16, 2004 04:16 PM
Yet one more reason why I love metrosexuals....:)
*~ Alayna
Posted by: Alayna | March 17, 2004 10:13 AM
Thank you for that last photo!
Wow!
Posted by: Devorah | March 17, 2004 01:10 PM
I feel so dirty. I need a shower.
:-P
Posted by: peter | March 17, 2004 03:54 PM
That WAS gay.
Posted by: crazyjane | March 17, 2004 04:51 PM
What, no pirate shirt???
Hmmm, maybe you can sell a couple of those ripples on ebay.
Posted by: homer | March 17, 2004 07:09 PM
Hm, I think someone is spending too much time at home at night in front of the TV watching shows such as "What Not To Wear" and "Queer Eye"....
Perhaps if that someone watched a little less tv and did a litle more pleasing himself then he wouldn't be er, pleasing himself alone so much! hehe
Nice pics.
Posted by: Joy | March 18, 2004 11:19 AM
where can i buy that um, hot belt. i mean implants, and does that stomach come along with it too???? hehe ;)
that was not gay, that was cool :) ya look great mr. jimbo....
Posted by: dave | March 18, 2004 08:58 PM
Hehehe, that post was hilarious.
But if you are a true metrosexual, you'd also be talking about what skincare line you prefer. ;)
Posted by: dawn | March 19, 2004 09:48 AM
lilith ~ i'm glad you agree with me & jimbo ~ i know you're not gay, but i still maintain that you act gay. i'm okay with all of this, so long as you realise i'm still a man trapped in a woman's body. :P
Posted by: tassy | March 19, 2004 06:29 PM
I like the last photo. Caliente!!!!!
Posted by: Christy | March 20, 2004 12:09 AM
I really loved the last one can you show me more?!!!
Posted by: David | August 6, 2004 01:01 PM