Vanity.
I've decided to do a little rededication. A little refocusing. A little reprioritizing. And I’ve decided to get a lot more diligent.
For the last month I haven't been climbing. I haven't been riding. I haven't been working out. Well, not much. I went from five days a week in the gym to three. This month I went several weeks with MAYBE one day in the gym. I've gone from high-protein, low fat to whatever is in the fridge. I’ve been sleeping late and sucking down Red Bulls like Golden Tickets were hidden on bottom. Shit, that's two "Willy Wonka" references in one week. This really is a bad sign for a person trying to get back into shape.
Sure I've cut the pasta to keep the fat off, but I've also backed off the weights and the cardio to keep the knees from hurting all the time. So by in large I've become lazy and skinny and it's making me nuts.
Yeah, I'm one of those people who loses weight when they stop exercising. Hate me. It's OK. I can deal. I was bald at thirty and a virgin well into my twenties. Feel better?
Regardless, my lack of diligence is starting to show. It’s just symptomatic of the cycle of passive-aggressive, self-destructive behavior I have been on for the last year, but that’s a blog post for another time. I've dropped more than five pounds in the last two months. Close to ten since September. That doesn't sound like much, but when you max out at 160, ten pounds shows. More importantly, I've lost strength. I've lost endurance. Sure I can probably out run or out bike or out climb or out exercise 99% of the American couch culture who spend their lives sucking the cheese off a large stuffed crust pizza while watching "The Swan" with envy, but that's not the point. I'm not competing with them.
I'm competing with me. Right or wrong. Realistic or unrealistic, I have a certain set of physical standards. I expect to on-sight 11b when climbing. I expect to easily run a 5K in twenty minutes. I expect to be able to hike at 10000 feet. I expect to look into the mirror and think, “damn, girl, I'm a really sexy bitch.” Wait, that’s the other Jimbo . Never mind. I want to go walk around in low cut jeans that show off the hip lines and have girls thinking of "Fight Club" rather than thinking of "Ghandi."
I don’t feel that way right now, and I don't like it.
In the last two weeks about a half dozen people have asked me if I've lost weight. And not in the "Wow, you look great" Jenny Craig kinda way. More like the "ooh how is the chemotherapy going" kinda way. And I don't like it.
It's making me stressed at work. And I don't like it. It's screwing with my complexion. And I don't like it. It's messing with my rhythms. And I don't like it. Frankly, it's messing with my ass. And I don't like it. I'm a skinny little white boy. I stop working out and my ass is likely to disappear all together. And we can't be having that now can we?
I think not.
So I’m getting back into shape. I’m getting back into rhythm. I’m getting back into eating right. And I’m getting back into the gym.
Right after I finish reading these blogs.
Comments
Whoa...you must have been reading my mind. Was about to send you an email off-blog asking for advice on how you stay so focused and centered when it comes to your workouts. I've lost focus in mine and need to get back on track. For what it's worth, nice to know that guys who are in perfect shape struggle with maintaning fitness focus as well. Good luck, Jimbo. I'll be watching for an update.
Posted by: Kath | May 30, 2004 03:15 PM
Could you send me some of your weight-loss and fitness genes?
Hiking at 10,000 ft? That'd be ok, even 14,000 ft, or running a marathon. But running 5k in 20 minutes? Never. Easily in 20 minutes? No way. Not even in my best years.
But I never survived a week with five days in the gym, either.
You could get the 10 pounds from me, but only next week (That's when the bet with my colleagues starts).
Good luck!
Posted by: Schorsch | May 31, 2004 12:44 AM
same body type here- not working out makes me shrink.
Posted by: bmw | May 31, 2004 09:46 AM
I'm sure you'll get back into the program with ease. I describe myself as an athelete, training hardcore for races and tryouts all the time. And I always, always reach some sort of wall at least once a year or so. In a way, it might be healthy? Possibly our bodies telling us we need to take a little vacations, both mentally and physically? Especially if you're experiencing injuries.
Btw, I love the layout design of your site! Especially the rocking climbing/menu style you've got at the side.
Slick and sic!
Posted by: lelu | May 31, 2004 10:04 AM
'Rocking' climbing? Good lord - it's a Monday alright. And while I might be an 'athelete', I sure do need a dictionary this morning! Yeesh.
Posted by: lelu | May 31, 2004 10:06 AM
Actually, you just need to get pregnant, you'll gain weight in all the right places, you grow an ass like, overnight and my gods does the skin glow. For some of us it even makes the hair grow thicker...
Just a suggestion. You sexy bitch.
(PS: in no way is this a complaint about my own figure reconstruction currently in progress, I belong to the school of womanly thought who believes curves kick the hell outta skinny asses anyday. bring on the boobs and butt, baby!)
Posted by: Chair | May 31, 2004 10:44 AM
We are so different that sometimes I can't see how we are even friends. I never thought I'd even be able to bring myself to acknowledge someone who spends so much on bowling shoes.
I think instead of spending so much time whining over your distorted body image, you should refocus and get some new shoes.
Not golf ones either! I don't care if Brad Pitt is wearing them.
Posted by: melly | May 31, 2004 01:47 PM
First mental expresso, now physical expresso.
Are you sure you're not soemwhere in the mental soup?
Posted by: Devorah | May 31, 2004 02:55 PM
the site design is all halcyon. he mades it. i just writes it.
Posted by: the mighty jimbo | May 31, 2004 03:10 PM
Ya, baby, ya!
You go, guy. Just the same, I've seen pics of ya, and you look great from here.
I'm loving the Cross Trainer these days -- Perhaps that will provide you with more cardio/less knee ache?
Posted by: NetChick | May 31, 2004 10:22 PM
I have bad knees too, Jimbo, so I totally feel your pain in that area. I've found that the elliptical machines are much easier on the knees than running (just keep the incline low, and increase resistance instead). If you have access to a pool (or the ocean), you could also try running in water, waste-to-chest high, to reduce the impact on the knees. Just keep in mind your heart rate will likely be lower running in water b/c the weight-bearing factor is reduced, so monitor intensity according to how you feel.
Good luck re-focusing!:-)
Posted by: Tina | June 1, 2004 05:52 AM
Umm sweetie, didn't you post super-hot pics like just a month ago, with abs that could grate cheese? Methinks you are a bit too critical on yourself. I'll show you a gut. Amongst My People, we call it 'body dysmorphia' or something like that.
Posted by: jimbo | June 1, 2004 06:39 AM
Sounds like depression to me. When I get bummed out I skip out on the gym and eat less, and consequently lose weight. The bikes go bothballed too.
The best way I've found to deal with it is just accept that it's part of my normal cycle. My man-period. I've found that acceptance that these mood swings are normal and just going with the flow seems to help me get out of them better than sitting there and wondering wtf is wrong with me. A day on the couch with some ice cream and I'm good to go usually.
In other words, don't fret. We all go through it.
Posted by: sean | June 3, 2004 10:26 AM
Erm, "mothballed". Yeah.
Posted by: sean | June 3, 2004 10:26 AM
i HATE when people say things like "you look skiiiinny...have you lost weight?!" because it's really fucking annoying. it's like going up to a fat person and asking them if they've gained weight because they look like a heffer. no one does that. ok, i might. but even so, not really. raaah!
Posted by: tassy | June 3, 2004 12:32 PM