I'm against the idea of you not writing anymore. I know that no matter what you are grappling with right now, you truly love writing this blog.

Ditto what melly said.

You need a time out, dude, a sabbatical to take a personal inventory. What makes you outrageously happy, what shrivels your soul? Keep one, ditch the other.

And this blog, the very name: Digital Catharsis. Yeah. Bet there's both a conscious and an unconscious reason for the name.

Now...get off your butt and do something about it...you never know when time might run out.

I agree w/ Daisy. Take some time away from the computer. If you need to see a life/career coach, do it, it's worth the time and money, but pay attention to you. You deserve it.

Sending you a big hug. I hope you learn tons from this temporary down point. Take care my man.
-J

i was wondering when you were going to get a little scared of your own needs and desires. we've talked about this all before but remember, i'm the queen of making changes - change is the only thing you can rely on remaining constant in life.

as for the internet, it's been a strange world for me, living without wireless 24 hour access, but i wouldn't have gotten my ass back on a surfboard either if i were babysat by the box as well as i once was. you'll never hear me admit it again, but a break from the digiw0rld is good sometimes.

muah!

So, it seems you've hit one of those walls, where you feel like everybody else who's ever real has. My advice, commit suicide or find a way over this hump. I don't know you, but I know you can do one of these. And keep in mind that the above is said without mallice or disgust.

I did, in fact, stop by here because you inadvertantly struck a chord of the sniveling sycophant in me.

My computer fucked, for this was never an attempt to leave being only a random, unanswerable voice in the dark.
The word Catharsis: mmm, yummy.

TMJ-

Take care of yourself and do what you need to do to get to a better place.

All good things are worth waiting for, so we'll be here, patiently waiting for you.

Kath :-)

Mid~life~crisis?? You're too young for that!

Jimbo: Stop copying my blog entries. I expect better of you. I swear I wrote the same thing a while back.
>; )

Seriously though, I've felt the same thing about relationships, work, blogging, etc. It is normal, but feels abnormal. Yeah, take a break, rethink what you're doing online and off...you at least have more valid and closer escapes near you than out here on the East Coast. Take a blog vacation.

These internet things do have a habit of sucking the life out of you if you let them. Enjoy the time off, but for God's sake come back!

Besides, this blog is a great way to keep you sharp for your other writing. Great writers keep journals. I, however, just like to blather and I type faster than I write.

This is a bump. You'll get over it. Let Tassy help.

Best,

Gerry

You need to come home for awhile. Time on the ranch, riding a horse, and the chaotic world of your home is what you need to see the light. Don't do anything stupid! I have enough stress to last a life time. Home is where the heart is and is the best cure for what ails you. Miss and love you much.

I know exactly how you feel, man.

If you can afford it, run away from everything for a while. Everything except yourself and a pen and a journal.

this is the first time i've been here, so feel free to ignore me...

butyou said that you realise that the internet is a cruth, that you realise something is wrong, that you realise things need to change, attitudes need to change. the fact that you recognise the need for that change means that this isn't permanent. this is a part of life, just as much as the peaks. it's only by hitting rock bottom that you can ever really bounce back up to the top, and only because you've been on the bottom that you can realise how high the top is.

if i were you, i'd get a bag, a journal, a pen, a tent, and just go. bush, desert, forest, anywhere. somewhere on your own, alone, away from everything you know where you can take a step out and breathe without feeling claustrophobic.

good luck with it all.

As someone else said, do it now--there may not be as much time as you think. Yes, I do realize I am biased here given recent happenings; but, I also think it was an important lesson for me to learn. If you want to do something, in this case make some changes and find a direction for your life, do it now. Regret isn't worth it.

I've been where you are to some degree (sans motorcycle) and ended up making some huge, very positive changes. You realize where you and and why, and that's an amazing step on the path already.

Therapy, IMHO, is a waste of time & cash most of the time (trauma, etc. aside). There are some great books out there that are cheaper and will do the same thing without all the bullshit. A life coach isn't a horrible idea, either; but, you're a strong, intellegent man MJ, and I believe now that you see the problems you can probably find the road to solutions without shelling out a mint.

Regardless, though I'll miss your net presence, do what is best for you. Take a break, take a vacation, take a beating from a local thug...whatever whips you butt back where you want it to be. In the meantime, we'll be thinking about you and wishing you all the best.

"My advice, commit suicide or find a way over this hump."

I think that from now on, you should probably keep your advice to yourself.

It's not about catharsis - it's about growth. Turning everything upside down - questioning what we do, where we are heading, where we come from is very necessary. You cannot evolve unless you question. It's good Jim: it prevents us from going stale. Whether the focus is on the blog or on the writing is not the issue. Pick whatever gives you the means to carry on..

oh sure, blame the intenet, lol j/k!
give me your computer for awhile, that'll teach ya!

Go offline for a while. It'll do you good.

I could send you a box of Georgia Peaches if it'd brighten yer day any...much love, my dear boy. *kiss*

p.s. still trying to find that "aquanetta" ad fer you.

i don't know if this is worthwhile advice, but it helped me to get a time-tracker just so i could watch the internet time tick-tocking away. i went through a thing of near-obsessively playing solitaire that was really depressing, in a janis ian way, then recently i realized reading people's on-line diaries had started to turn into the same thing. just watching the time has been a big help towards cutting back.

obviously you should do what is right for you, and as i don't know you, i can't really advise. but i'd be sad to not see your comments pop up on the blogs we both "frequent"- like today, at geese aplenty. *yawn*. that was just about perfect, for what was going on there. and it's not the first time i've wanted to make some witty comment, or wished i could think of something clever to say, and then found that you already said it, and perfectly.

you know, for whatever that's worth.

Christ, you may as well have been writing about me. I'm actually in therapy right now and it's helping a little but I also need to go on meds. If you think you can take a break and be better, by all means, take the break. Sure we'll miss you but I have faith you'll come back. *hugs*

Fix yourself, take a break, do what you must...but for the love of god, do NOT stop posting the Beefcake.

Thanks and heart.

I know that feeling you are talking about. Or at least a part of it. It comes from endless hours of mind numbing work, the kind that leaves you feeling frustrated, exhausted, having actually accomplished nothing tangible. What once was an exciting invigorating challenge now has a definite flushing sound associated with it, the sound of your life and your motivation being eaten away by shitty software, mindless tasks and reward-less pressure. This aimless daze unconciously spreads to many other aspects of your life, no matter how you try to escape it (in the internet or otherwise).

Well I for one am glad to have been privy to what I've read here. You don't need our permission, but here it is: do what you need to, to be happy. That's all that matters, for anyone. :)

I clearly don't get it, becuase I have been back repeatedly looking for the latest post. You need a break? You take a break. We'll all still be here. I will just find (temporarily) someone else to surprise me, entertain me, irritate me, and stimulate me(think Head dirty birds...)on a daily basis. You can keep the beefcake photos but Oh! How I will miss Titan's "puppy" pics. (How I would love a Bordeaux but I know there will be enough drool and property damage in this house soon enough with the baby.) Good luck on your journey for your sense of self. You don't have to let anyone know what you find.

They've exhausted all the positive things I could possibly say, so I'll just say that I agree with what they said. lol.

Seriously though, it's hard to change but knowing that you need one is the first step. Good luck.

Jim- the problem is Porn- I went through the same trials and tribulations and realized that I needed to remove the porn.

I got rid of the internet at home, started doing Yoga- and now I am a new man. But man, when I read that it sounded just like my life a year ago...

ok i'm evil. but i'm going to disagree with porn being the reason you feel shitty. keep up with the porn. it's healthy. just don't involve midgets or animals.

no matter where you go, that laptop will follow...

Okay, you don't need therapy, suicide or porn or any of the other crap everyone else says. You need to leave CA for a while. Maybe for good. Because it is not real life. At least not where you are. You are like in a bad Aaron Spelling tv show out there. I say move to the suburbs, meet some normal women at the gym or grocery shopping or whatever. Keep on working, but look for something new if that is bringing you down too. So, you can always hang out at my house for a slap in the face of suburban reality. Nothing like two little snotty rugrats to get you over your bad crutch.

By the way, I'll meet you in Las Vegas for some more fake world if you'd like.

$5000 of therapy coming at you Jimbo...

the tent, journal, pen, and your innermost thoughts pouring out into an ocean of clarity idea - stupid. you're not a writer, you're a vegetarian. this blog is simply your (very successful) attempt to draw other disinterested people into your private world of frustration and disinterest. The Count of Monte Cristo, it is not.

Therapists, career coaches, sabaticals, big hugs, and feelings are for pussies. Go spend $500 at a upscale strip bar with a couple of your friends from college. Do that in Arizona. With straight guys.

Perhaps to uplift your spirits, you could begin doing this blog entirely in haiku... or you could have a "Midget of the Week" section.

Honest assessment? Everyone endures the very lack of purpose that you are dealing with. I can't give you an answer, although suicide was a pretty good one - worked out pretty well for the lead singer of INXS... You're environment is the primary reason for your unhappiness.

When you moved to SoCal, you were young and had a purpose for going there. Now you are old, and questioning that purpose. Take a step back and look at it, bro. You found the things you wanted to find there. The beach, the outdoors, the climate, the climbing, vegetables, tofu, and some interesting people. You've lived it for 10 years. You did it. Way to go.

But where are you 10 years later? Burned out by it all and tied to Digital Catharsis.

You need to get out of there. Not because I think everyone in California is Asian, idiotic,bi-sexual, or some combination of the above - but because you've seen what there is to see and have nothing to show for it. Life does move fast. Spending it in a tent outside of Mozambique trying to capture the true essence of your spirit into a spiral notebook is one way to keep up... but I think that's assy.

You need to get someplace normal, assimilate with normal people, drink a few Bud Lights now and then, mix in a hamburger or rib-eye (in time), and see where that takes you. I could be wrong, but I'd bet you'll find that "normal" life to be far more enjoyable and entertaining than the "virtual" life you've created for yourself. Just my opinion.

And you will always have Siebel to keep you company.... Love you.... Baby Arm!

this very much sounds like me on far too many of my days...

Yeah, I feel that too. :(

I for the most part agree with Sean, god help me now. Then again, there are firsts for everything. You are wrapped up in a world you once only dreamed of living in...you're successful, well-traveled, you blow your weekends on attempting to kill yourself, ie hanging off really large cliffs and riding a motorcycle well over the posted speed limit, and you finally have sex...with girls...that YOU think are hot. Good for you. You accomplished your dreams. Now you're bored and confused, have lost your edge and are addicted to something that may be unhealthy (whether it be porn or this site). I disagree with Sean on the porn thing. I once was addicted to porn--I was like Joey and Chandler on Friends--I couldn't turn it off. Day in, day out...until 3 in the morning. I had the same thoughts you wrote about...only I was still in law school and thinking it was time to drop out.

I evaluated what I wanted and needed out of life. I stayed in school, quit watching porn all together, stayed away from strip clubs, and then settled down and married Donnie. (Ok, so you know the last part was a bad idea!). I digress. I needed to live in a normal life that did not include porn and strip clubs and drinking every other day with friends. I did move to the suburbs (which I really don't suggest b/c it sucks and you'll never meet anyone since they are ALL married with kids), but it was what I needed to calm down and live a normal life.

I agree with Sherri and Sean--you need to move. You need something new. You need real life. Not Texas, but maybe a different part of CA or even back to AZ. Turn off the blog and comments portion. Write your stories, that's what you wanted to do in the first place. Get rid of cyber-porn/sex b/c it's affecting you emotionally, mentally, and professionally. Get rid of Pink all together.

You're not 23 anymore. Be a man, act your age, and friggin' fix the problems that ail you. Quit whining...or I'll come out there and beat your vegetarian ass.

You've heard all kinds of advice. I'm not gonna give any. I try not to give deep advice to people I don't know. All I will say is this. I've been there. Hopefully you will end up as happy as I have, but it will definately be a journey. As corny and cliched as this is, Lots of luck and best wishes. Take care!

get rid of pink altogether?

hrmph.

I'm a little late in the game but...

Go. Somewhere, anywhere - Clear your head man. Everything will work out as it's supposed to. Don't over process, just get back to basics. You know the way.

i feel special. you people all rule.

Oh wow, sweetie. :(

I'm not reading the 40 comments before me, and thus my advice will probably be redundant and sound rather presumptuous. But.

You sound much like me about a year ago. Except that you have an advantage -- you're *conscious* that you need change and that your behavior is self-destructive. That's huge!

I didn't become fully conscious of what I was really doing until I'd already set the wrecking ball in motion and my life began to fall apart from its blows... Which is not to say that I regret the change. I did need it desperately in order to avoid becoming a hollow shell of the person I want to be. But I do regret the way I went about making the change. I hurt a lot of people, including myself.

Anyway enough about me. What can you do? As hard as it is, you can *not* let go of the conscious understanding that you need a change and why. Don't hide from it, don't shrink from it. If you need support, you've got lots of supporters in here and you've got my phone number. Call it. We'll do lunch. We'll do dinner. Whatever.

I suspect that in your heart, you know what you're missing. You know what you really want in your life. And you are more than strong enough to go after it. All you really need now is to remember that.

OK I just read a bunch of the above comments and I need to say something: all of this advice about dropping everything to lead a "normal" life is complete bullshit! There, I said it. :\

You are a young, attractive, intelligent, interesting and vibrant man that's just exploring a little of the wild oats he was never able to sow in his earlier years. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

Your problems are not going to be solved by dropping your current lifestyle to live 9-5 and drink Budweiser on the weekends with your buddies around a grill in some godforsaken suburb somewhere, and otherwise plugging into the Matrix that is "normal" American society (to borrow corny but I think appropriate image)! WTF is "normal" anyway? You seem perfectly normal to me... more eloquent, active, and well-traveled than most people our age, but perfectly normal.

I don't suspect you'd follow their advice anyway, but my $0.02 (ok $.50 but I promise I'll shut up soon) is that just moving to a new place and adopting someone else's lifestyle isn't going to get you anywhere but unhappy in a new town. If you don't follow your own heart, emotionally you're just going to wind up right back where you started.

Bridget--of course he won't follow our advice. We are his family.

(warning: new agey sounding stuff ahead - ignore the fluff, take the message)

Every now and then, we lose sight of those things in life that are important to us, partly because for many of us, having a life only filled with those things is a luxury - we have to work, eat, and meet a whole range of other obligations that don't set our imaginations on fire.

Every now and then, we need to stop, take a breath, look at the view, then take out the compass and make sure we're on track. Often, we realise we've gotten a little off the path to wherever it is we're going. Sometimes we're further off track then we realised, so we need to pitch the tent, stop a while, and consult the map before we go any further.

This is just one of those times. Pitch the tent, pull out the map, and take your time - we'll be here when you get back.

Cassie said "pitch the tent."