Safety first.
I’ve been back in Tucson the last two days. As beautiful as the desert is, I really can’t cope with this town anymore. I think I’ve either been too integrated into the SoCal subculture or I just desperately don’t want to trip over any of my dusty desert roots.
I’m a different person now. Tucson is a basically a small town with a million people. It’s a place for people who don’t want to live in a small town but want all the comforts of the city. It’s introverted and a little bit backward and isolated by the mountains and the desert that guard it closely and keep it locked away.
I think I’ve outgrown this town, and despite the nostalgia that bears down on me almost as heavy as the summer heat, I have no, repeat NO desire to ever live here again. Good rock climbing and good friends and good mortgage payments and good Mexican food not withstanding.
Driving around Tucson, I noticed what I think is the primary difference between California and Arizona, and no, it’s not the conspicuously absent big, blue, wet thing to the west. It’s not Republicans, it’s not affordable housing, it’s not the waddling, polyester-clad herds of octogenarians, it’s not even the difference in average IQ, directly proportional to the number (and average length) of mullets.
It’s about safety.
California loves adventure. In California you can surf and ski and dive and paddle and bike and ride and leap off cliffs - just so long as you don’t do anything unsafe. They assume, perhaps correctly, that you can’t be trusted. In California you can’t smoke, can’t loiter, can’t make a left turn on green, can’t exit the HOV lane, can’t drive without a seatbelt, can’t ride without a helmet, can’t bike without a helmet, can’t carry a firearm, can’t ride in the back of your pickup, hell, can’t let your DOG ride in the back of your pickup.
Generally speaking, I think these are good ideas. Not sure they need to be laws, but basically good rules to live by. And California is filled with smart people. People, frankly, who know better. These well-meaning, well-educated, well-financed people are really into, well, wellness. Yours and mine. And they write laws to protect us from ourselves in order to keep us, for the most part, well. So we can be healthy while we breathe toxic air as we sit stressed in traffic for six hours a day in order to work 80 hours a week to pay for a condo in Chino.
In Arizona, however, you can, for the most part, do and go as you please – so long as it doesn’t involve taxes or sodomy or Mexicans. With those notable exceptions, the good people of Arizona pretty much don’t care what you do. No helmet laws. You can inch out into a blind left turn at the intersection or carry a loaded pistol into the mall. Just so long as it isn’t concealed. Wouldn’t want the clerk at Subway to be unaware that you’re packing.
I suppose they take a Darwinian approach to things out here. In California, it’s all about protecting the species. In AZ, they want to thin the herd. Going to ride your crotch rocket sans helmet? Have at it, Mr. Knievel. Feel like stuffing your kids in the back of your pickup for a trip to the Walmart? Knock yourself out. Hell, if you want to take your mulleted head and load six kids, four bikes (no helmets), two dogs, and a dozen assault riffles in the back of a raised F150, do 75 MPH down the highway, weaving in and out of the HOV lane while chain smoking Marlboro Reds and making left turns in front of speeding Harley riders without helmets, nobody is gonna stop you.
Though maybe somebody should.
Comments
Are there no mullets in California?
Because according to this blog, everyone outside of your state is a fucking hillbilly.
It annoys me! Almost as much as your shoes!
Don't make me waste money on a plane ticket just to go mullet hunting.
Posted by: melly | June 15, 2004 06:24 AM
I've lived in South Dakota most of my life (until recently, that is), a state which prides itself on personal freedoms -- or, in other words, allowing people to be stupid. But, I'm not complaining, less regulation means fewer taxes which is okay by me (snaps for no income tax).
I think there's something to the "thinning the herd" idea. Of course, I also think it has to do with "freedom of choice."
Posted by: Nicole | June 15, 2004 07:20 AM
The more laws, the more offenders...
You pretty much described the difference between large urban areas (LA, SF, NYC) and everywhere else in America. Bigger cities need more government just to keep the city from tearing itself apart. Smaller towns, not so much. Better to leave well enough alone.
Posted by: AVERAGE JOE | June 15, 2004 07:30 AM
Hell, I routinely go faster than 75 on the freeway here in L.A. (when I can) and think nothing of it.
That said, when my parents moved to Tucson, they bought a bigger car because my dad kept seeing all these car accidents and wanted something that would keep him and my mom a little safer than their tiny little crushable Honda Civic. And come to think of it, almost every time I've visited them, I've seen an accident.
Posted by: Keith | June 15, 2004 09:24 AM
In this post, I can clearly feel the mullet envy of the writer, the envy of not being able to grow one (anymore? :-). But, I may be mistaken: If the IQ is truly reverse proportional to the length of hair I can't keep up with him anyway.
Jimbo, when do we finally get to see a picture of those shoes?
Posted by: Schorsch | June 15, 2004 09:52 AM
i respectfully disagree :P you know i got into more trouble in arizona for doing things that really aren't such a big deal, nothing so risque as not wearing my seatbelt, but you know, exposing a nipple when it's 110 outside? mr. arizona and all of his boys in blue were breathing down my neck. i'm thankful for my move but not for the same reasons, maybe even the opposite. oh and there are no loitering signs, no right turn on green signs, seatbelt signs, etc. - in arizona too. maybe you just lose your law-obiding side when you step back over into megatrashland.
i love that there's no bike riding helmet law in california if you're an adult and you can put your dog in the back of your truck if you've got him harnessed properly. i don't think the smart people in california made these things so, it's the retards who end up with their brains on the sidewalk and their dogs in the gutter who caused these restrictions upon your freedom. though it'd be nice to assume i'm smarter than the rest just because of my geographical location. i think i'm going to go with that. thanks! :P
Posted by: tassy | June 15, 2004 10:21 AM
keith, its not about what you will do, its what the state says you can do.
tass, i think your nipples fall into the same category for the legislators as sodomy.
clearly those people have never seen your nipples.
mmmm....tassy nipples...sigh
Posted by: the mighty jimbo | June 15, 2004 02:06 PM
My all time favorite AZ moment (this is true):
I am in Arizona, driving a camo painted 1978 f150 with real bullett holes in the side (not the wanna be white trash stick ons, real large caliber holes, a long story)that had steel I-Beams from a large demolished building welded on for bumpers (another story).
In the back I have two 220lb wolves (real artic wolves, not even 1% dogs, vet forged the papers, another long story) and in the back window gun rack I have a 50 cal hunting rifle and a .308 that my current roommate used to protect loggers in alaska from grizzilies with.
I come to a sudden stop (ironically directly in front of "Ruff's Guns and Liquor") and notice the guy in the brand new convertible BMW 325 with CA plates who has been tailgating me on his cell, slide under my rear I-Beam at about 30 mph. Distracted by his ongoing conversation, he jumps from the mangled bavarian metal and begins to approach me in a huff, cursing loudly. Halfway to my door, I see him finally pause and take stock of his situation. His eyes scan the wolves who are not tied down looking at him not with with that crazed pitbull-ish look but rather a "hmmm, easy access to jugular, come closer lunch" calm, cool look. Then his eyes scan the high caliber weapons, the large penetrating holes in the side of the truck, and he walks backwards without taking his eyes off the truck and gets back in his poor chariot.
I shifted into 4 wheel low and extricated myself (and a significant portion of his car which trailed behind for a mile or two I believe) from the upper part of his engine and drivetrain..... and went home.
I love AZ.
Before you start, I now live in snottsdale and drive a BMW Z3 often. :) The truck was an old snowplow kept around on purpose to be a piece of junk, I was babysitting the wolves for a riverguide friend who had adopted them in alaska and the guns were in the cab because my roommate (the guide) happened to be out target shooting the other day. The I-Beams were welded on because they use the truck to hold a large road-grading rig for dirt roads.
And you can take a concealed weapon into Subway. You just need a permit.
Posted by: tNinaZ | June 15, 2004 02:17 PM
but can't you drive just about anything in california, as long as it doesn't emit enough fumes to destroy the entire ozone by itself? I was scared of some of the cars I saw on the road in california.
Posted by: liz | June 15, 2004 02:55 PM
OMG -
I'm in love!!!
>My all time favorite AZ moment (this is true):
>I am in Arizona, driving a camo painted 1978 f150 >with real bullett holes in the side (not the >wanna be white trash stick ons, real large >caliber holes, a long story)that had steel >I-Beams from a large demolished building welded >on for bumpers (another story).
>In the back I have two 220lb wolves (real artic >wolves, not even 1% dogs, vet forged the papers, >another long story) and in the back window gun >rack I have a 50 cal hunting rifle and a .308 >that my current roommate used to protect loggers >in alaska from grizzilies with.
>I come to a sudden stop (ironically directly in >front of "Ruff's Guns and Liquor") and notice the >guy in the brand new convertible BMW 325 with CA >plates who has been tailgating me on his cell, >slide under my rear I-Beam at about 30 mph. >Distracted by his ongoing conversation, he jumps >from the mangled bavarian metal and begins to >approach me in a huff, cursing loudly. Halfway to >my door, I see him finally pause and take stock >of his situation. His eyes scan the wolves who >are not tied down looking at him not with with >that crazed pitbull-ish look but rather a "hmmm, >easy access to jugular, come closer lunch" calm, >cool look. Then his eyes scan the high caliber >weapons, the large penetrating holes in the side >of the truck, and he walks backwards without >taking his eyes off the truck and gets back in >his poor chariot.
>I shifted into 4 wheel low and extricated myself >(and a significant portion of his car which >trailed behind for a mile or two I believe) from >the upper part of his engine and drivetrain..... >and went home.
>I love AZ.
>Before you start, I now live in snottsdale and >drive a BMW Z3 often. :) The truck was an old >snowplow kept around on purpose to be a piece of >junk, I was babysitting the wolves for a >riverguide friend who had adopted them in alaska >and the guns were in the cab because my roommate >(the guide) happened to be out target shooting >the other day. The I-Beams were welded on because >they use the truck to hold a large road-grading >rig for dirt roads.
>And you can take a concealed weapon into Subway. >You just need a perm
Posted by: buk | June 15, 2004 05:36 PM