Digital Catharsis: Smokers, people with severe emotional problems or psychotic ex-boyfriends need not apply

So Chris decided that in a market that has been appreciating at better than 30% a year for more than half a decade, maybe he ought not to pay $625 a month for a place on the beach when he can use that hard-earned cash to get himself a daily trip to the Home Depot for some dirt and wood and tile that may eventually allow him to retire like a king in someplace like Iowa.

So with that in mind, I'm looking for a new roommate. Know anybody who might want to live in Newport Beach, in a stellar little pad by the pier? For the low, low price of $625 a month and a third of utilities you get a Newport address, free high-speed wireless, and the chance to say you live with The Mighty Jimbo.

You also get this access to Newport Beach and the Newport Pier. Tan and dumb surfer dudes and surgically enhanced blonde girls with those hot little tattoos right above their butt that peek out of their low rider pants not necessarily included.

Included is this view of Newport Harbor. Free rides on multi-million dollar yachts not included unless you are a surgically enhanced blonde with a hot little tattoo right above your butt that peeks out of your low rider pants.

You get use of this 36 inch TV, but if you are not planning to watch either HBO or that television crack called "I Love The (Insert Decade Here)" on VH1 you probably won't get me to relinquish the remote.

Roommates are not allowed to have sex on this white couch. Unless you are really drunk and she is really hot. Or you use a drop cloth.

Included with house is access to the world's ugliest cat.

Hot applicants who used to have pink hair and currently live in the East Bay get to choose their bedroom, so long as it's this one.

Comments

I'm a non-smoker and have no psychotic ex-boyfriends--pick me, pick me, pick me! I'll have to give up my job to move out there, but if you know anyone who can get me a Personal Training gig I'll be golden. Just to warn you, I'd likely be "accidentally" walking in on you immediately after your shower every day.;-)

Posted by: Tina | July 21, 2004 07:25 AM

That looks a lot like my dead cat.

When did it show up?

It's Pet Semetary!

Posted by: melly | July 21, 2004 10:37 AM

Cool pad, Jimbo!

And guess what?? Got my current roomie via my blog. He read about a campaign I volunteer for, decided to apply to the campaign, they hired him and voila, the campaign knew I was looking for a roomie...and that's how I got Quinn, who is THE COOLEST ROOMIE you can ever hope to have in your entire life!!

Good luck in your search!

Posted by: Kath | July 21, 2004 10:53 AM

Fabulous apartment! The view is fabulous. However, I already have one hot vegetarian roommate:
My husband :)
Good luck with your search! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you don't get some psycho.

Posted by: Lisa | July 21, 2004 02:38 PM

That ugly cat has a twin here in NJ. It keeps coming up to my back door, looking in and hissing at my two cats inside. Ugly AND rude, it is.

Posted by: Lynne | July 21, 2004 03:58 PM

my 36" disco ball would look great hanging from those rafters!

Wasn't this house in an episode of Queer Eye? The one where they left early, cuz there was nothing to do?

Posted by: bmw | July 21, 2004 04:49 PM

this cat is a total sweetie. she spends most every day chillin on my balcony.

Posted by: the mighty jimbo | July 21, 2004 05:42 PM

Nice stuff you have there. What was your address again? Think I might stop by next time you are writing that you are in vancouver and clean the place out.... :)

Posted by: TnInAz | July 21, 2004 06:39 PM

hey that's my bed! :P

Posted by: tassy | July 21, 2004 11:16 PM

as i have a key to your house, you may want to reconsider that plan tninaz.

Posted by: the mighty jimbo | July 22, 2004 12:51 AM

$625? In Newport Beach? You're kidding, right? Damn.

Posted by: Pua | July 22, 2004 11:07 AM

Why does that mirror next to the bed not surprise me?

Posted by: Susan | July 23, 2004 08:27 PM

Well if you'd posted about 17 yrs ago before I got married and before I had two kids, I would have considered flying to Ca instead of NY.

Posted by: Lynne | July 25, 2004 05:11 PM

oh stop. it's the camera behind the mirror that should surprise you.