Deep thoughts and other naughty things to do in hotel rooms.
So not to get too candid about my personal life (as if that's ever been an issue around these parts), but I really don’t understand pay-per-view hotel porn. Hotel porn is just as explicit as regular porn, only they don't show any of the orgasms. They just fade out of the sex scene like a bad seventies pop song.
I'm wondering, just who is offended by this? Let's really think about the customer here. The customer who JUST BOUGHT PORN.
I'm pretty sure they aren't exactly prudish.
As if they are sitting there enjoying a five minute long macro shot of genital slapping sex only to be shocked my the inevitable end result. Yeah, hook me up with some more of that deep throat action, but god forbid, semen, that's a no-no. Let's have an entire video of condom-free group sex, but let's not show any bodily fluids. It's more socially responsible that way. Then we know nobody got pregnant. Look, I know the Bible is sitting in the nightstand, but I don't think the lack of a money shot is fooling anyone, least of all God.
People. It's porn. It's not simulated sex. It's sex. And I don't know about you, but unless I've been doing it all wrong, when I have sex, I have an orgasm.
Porn without orgasms just seems so, well, anti-climactic.
Comments
Ouch. Did you have to end it that way?
(Where's the ba-dum-dum, thank you for coming?)
Posted by: J | August 22, 2004 10:33 PM
Having never seen hotel porn, I can't actually say too much. I have to agree though......it isn't good sex (and definately not great) without the orgasm.
Posted by: Amy V | August 22, 2004 11:11 PM
no pr0n is as good as sex. hopefully. also, it's even worse when you order hotel pr0n and they fuck up and you try to reorder it to get it going again and they fuck up...AGAIN...and you have to ask for a refund from the front desk...because yano, it's super damn expensive.
Posted by: tassy | August 22, 2004 11:49 PM
maybe they cater for a particular fetish, and there are thousands of people out there who crave porn without orgasms and can only find release in hotels.
or maybe you're right and it's just silly and pointless.
Posted by: rowan | August 23, 2004 05:39 AM
It used to be even stranger ... when they wouldn't show the actual male member in hotel porn. The strange camera angles, bad edits, etc... made it even more bizarre to wonder who they would possibly offend by showing an ACTUAL PENIS.
Seems like there are better, um, outlets to spend the $10 (or more!) requested for hotel porn.
Posted by: friday night martini guy | August 23, 2004 10:24 AM
But there's nothing better than being on vacation with your parents at 17, ordering Firehouse 69 on Spank-a-Vision in the second bedroom, and realizing that your shitty hotel leaves that program on for a full 24 hours... What a beautiful miscalculation...
"Housekeeping?"
-- More hand towels, please.
Posted by: SEAN | August 23, 2004 02:07 PM
Oh my God. What if we are all doing it wrong?
There is so much to learn from hotel porn.
Posted by: cw | August 23, 2004 02:47 PM
As a part time night auditor, I am very much aware of what the little non-orgasming porn hounds are watching on a nightly basis. Here is a list of the selections people have made tonight at my hotel:
My Slutty Wife
Just Orgies
Hot Summer Sex
Ghetto Booty
Older Women Do Younger Studs
Wet & Wild Climax (hmm that seems rather difficult to portray if what Jimbo says is true.)
Ultimate Threesomes
Young Stuff
#44 Barely Legal (imagine 43 versions before that!)
And my favorite title of the night....
ORAL GALORE! (wow what a mouthful - ba-dump-bump)
Posted by: Vanessa | August 23, 2004 10:22 PM
that looks like my hotel bill.
kidding mom! kidding.
Posted by: the mighty jimbo | August 24, 2004 05:35 PM
What you're watching is the dreaded 'soft porn.' It's a disappointment and shaft to all penis appriciating people.
Although, on a side note, I saw crappy porn on a school trip my sophomore year of college. It was a learning and 'bonding' retreat with our over-protective professors all hovering around. A group of my friends and I, rented porn with someone's credit card (someone who paid their own since everyone else's statement went back to mom and dad). And held up in someone's room, blocking or pausing the movie when professor's came around to make sure there was no orgy going on.
Nope, just un-money shot, soft, hotel porn.
Posted by: Erin | August 25, 2004 03:08 PM