Have you looked at a Playboy lately? Seriously. Have you? Almost seems quaint in the age of DVD and internet porn. For the first time in history I think people actually *do* subscribe to Playboy for the articles.

But it's not the articles I'm talking about. I'm talking about the girls. The girls with the airbrushed cheekbones and flawless skin and the breasts that even Michelangelo couldn't sculpt. Usually these girls are seen lounging seductively in various stages of undress in succulently backlit bedrooms surrounded by sheer curtains and silken linens or naked by the pool or the stables or on the veranda.

Playboy likes to brag that their Playmates are the "girls next door."

Really?

Clearly I'm living in the wrong neighborhood.