I have a crazy family.

I know, I know, who doesn't, right? But really. There's a side of my extended family that for decades has been more than capable catalysts for chaos and controversy. Drugs and sex and gambling etc. I know this just sounds like a fun weekend in Vegas, and in reality they aren't so bad. But compared to my boring suburban upbringing, it sounded like a whole lot of freaky things torn right from the pages of a Jackie Collins novel. Or more accurately the script of a Jerry Springer episode - they do live in Florida (one of these days Florida is gonna ban me from their state). And as they were actually ON Jerry Springer at one time, that isn't exactly an exaggeration.

We all grew up together, but after my family moved to Texas in 89, I lost contact. Honestly, I never really viewed this as too bad a hand. My mother did a good job of keeping me updated as to who was in jail and who was in rehab and who my jackass of a grandfather wasn't speaking to this week. Throw in a little college, a little move to SoCal, and suddenly it's fifteen years since I had seen them.

Imagine my surprise when one of those cousins called me a couple years ago from Orange County. Imagine my surprise when she was calling from her HOUSE in Orange County. She followed a boy to my adopted home, and as of last weekend, she married him.

And as of last weekend, OC was overrun with my family. Well, all of them who were not in jail or rehab or something.

Believe it or not, it was good to see everyone again. My parents flew into town, along with my aunt, and two of my five cousins. More importantly, however, my family brought THEIR families. I got to meet some of the kids.

And I fell in love with them. How in the hell these seemingly normal, healthy, happy kids came out of my family is totally beyond me. Then again, on the surface even I seem relatively normal and healthy and happy. Those of you who read this blog clearly know better.

I was recruited that morning to join the wedding as an usher for the groom's grandmother when a member of the wedding party decided to get drunk, start a fight and split for the east coast on the night before the service. This kinda thing is to be expected amongst my people. A wedding isn't a wedding without at least one fight and somebody making a total ass of themselves. For a really good time you should see our funerals. Regardless, that little adventure aside, it was a very nice wedding on a beautiful day in OC.

My cousin looked incredible, and her husband was fully overwhelmed. I tried to warn him about what he was getting into before the service, but there was no talking to him. There were pretty blonde bridesmaids, some of whom apparently took a liking to me, but as I am generally clueless to such signals short of a tongue in my ear, I was unable to capitalize. There was drinking and dancing and embarrassing stories and the usual torn dresses and wedding cake facials and plenty of matrimonial blubbering.

I guess most importantly I was happy to be a part of their celebration and happy we were all together. Even after fifteen years, we're still a family. And even with the crazy quirks and chaos, we're not so bad. And despite the fifteen years I still love them all.

Congratulations, Christina. And Stephen, welcome to the family.

Now, wanna see some pics? I know you do.

My cousin needs to lock this one up. In a closet. In a convent. In Utah. We may be crazy, but nobody can say we don't have good genes.

I wonder if this is where he stepped on her dress and near tore it off.

Oh man, to be 15 and that cool. Heh. You couldn't PAY me. Even if I did look that good.

He calls this "Blue Steel."

A Packard? In OC? I thought only BMW's and Hummer limos were allowed.

Seriously. A closet. In Utah.

As I have a collection that rivals Victoria's Secret, I decided to sit this event out this time. I don't think lingerie has been helping my luck with the ladies. Then again, maybe I'm not supposed to WEAR them...

Seriously. I dug this kid. How could I not?

Don't worry kid. That's how I feel about a rented tux too.