Not only do I break off pieces of bananas rather than give them a blow-job, I feel self-conscious when I buy zucchini at the grocery store.

There's a perverted part of my mind that sees most things in some depraved light. As a result, I think other people see things in the same way. Thus, I don't like buying zucchini lest anyone think I plan to fuck it.

http://www.prehensile.com/tales/supermarket/smut2.jpg

Some of us buy and consume phallic produce specifically because it is penis-shaped.

Mmmm... what a long carrot you have there...

Actually, it's the only reason that I eat bananas -- to keep my skills sharp. I deep throat the damn thing in front of the husband to embarass him and remind him of why he married me.

Oh jeezus just felate the goddamn banana for chrsissake! Think of it as practice in the event Tassy buckles up a strap-on and makes you blow her (see: 'pegging').

i love jimbo east, i wish i were a gay man.

I never noticed the similarity. But now that you mention it, from now on I'm only buying canned fruits and vegetables lest anybody make assumptions about me in the produce section when I purchase watermelon.

The bigger, the better...yum!

Maybe that's why I always end up making banana bread.

*L* cant say that I have ever been bothered by buying a banana. But I do have a funny story about a dildo that at the time I was wishing it was a banana :) long story short, my sister let herself in my house to pick up some clothes and my cats had found a vibrator I had stashed away for God only knows how long(dont like that one) The cats had brought it into the livingroom to play with the plastic bag it was in. My sister placed it neatly on the stairs going up to my bedroom*L* I would have much rather her find a banana!

On the other end of the sexual fruit spectrum, fresh figs are quite evocative of the female bits. The Persians used the image in lots of erotic love poetry.

If you wanted to get really silly you could arrange all the fruit and vegetables on the conveyor belt at the market to make a little parade of produce-as-sex-toys. Or you could just buy phallic produce and see if the checker notices as one long item after another rolls towards him or her. Wouldn't that make a great scene in a movie?

If you grow your own produce, keep in mind that zucchini left on the vine, unpicked after going beyond its prime (cucumber size) gets really, really big (bowling pin size) with a very firm rind. Imagine.

i still love jimbo east.

De-lurking to say that you have now ruined the banana eating experience for me. Thank you.

1. Actually, I feel self-conscious eating candy bars, too - and it's harder to break those into pieces without making a little mess.

2. Carrots, I am sorry to say, may only be consumed in their original form in private.

3. For a while, in my teens, the "navels" on oranges made me squeamish.

4. I must stop before I convince myself that I am a big prude.

I'm with Anne up there, I make sure I buy non-erotic produce, too, as if to say, "Look, I'm just using it in a salad! Tomatoes aren't fun!"

But I've been known to enjoy ice cream cones lasciviously and with great abandon in the relative anonymity of my car (going 75 in the middle lane) for the titillation of fellow drivers.

margie, you are gonna cause an accident for sure.

I was walking around school the other day and a student I know yelled my name and said, "Look at my corn." And I just got so worried, because he was walking around with an ear of raw corn. And also because it made me remember that the word "cornholing" existed.