Yet more random thoughts.
Ever think that you learn way too much about a person when you visit a sex store? Seriously. The second you walk into the store you are taking your perversity at least partially public. A quick glance at someone's shopping basket and you can get a fairly clear view of what turns somebody on and of who or what they are into. And some of those visuals really are best left unknown. The robust woman holding the strap on. The Mr. Rogers looking gentleman with the "Barely Legal" DVD. I think that's why they ask you to rewind your tapes. Nobody wants to know where you finish.
Someone needs to do a study on breast augmentation. And I'm totally just the man for the job! Seriously, OC has gotta have the highest percentage of bolt-ons in the world. One walk around HB and I swear you would think that everyone in OC was sculpted from the same Barbie doll. It's like they hand out saline baggies at the DMV. Welcome to OC. Here's your driver's license and your new tits. Drive safely.
Speaking of new boobs, have you ever noticed that when someone gets a recently renovated rack they feel inclined, God bless them, to show EVERYONE the new additions to the family? Could you imagine if this translated into every form of plastic surgery? It would totally make penile enlargement a huge business, uh, so to speak. "Hey! I had some work done! Wanna see? Do you think it looks bigger? Firmer? Go on! Touch it! I'm so excited about it now. Wanna see HOW excited?" Come to think of it (so to speak), maybe that's not a bad idea. Would be a lot more action than I've been seeing lately.
I have been looking all over Monster Board for an opening as an international playboy. Oddly enough, nobody seems to be hiring. I'll settle for dotcom millionaire or kept man. Anyone know of any online pet stores or heiresses in Malibu who are hiring? I will totally be someone's sock puppeteer if it makes me rich and filthy. Regardless of where I have to wear the sock.
Comments
"Nobody wants to know where you finish."
Classic. :)
Posted by: halcyon | November 17, 2004 09:24 PM
Did you check the Monster Board for "Statistician for Breast Augmentation Study"?
Posted by: Kaycee | November 17, 2004 10:25 PM
so....what does a corkscrew shaped pigtail butt plug say about a person?
Posted by: tassy | November 18, 2004 01:56 AM
Jimbo. You never told us that you had a corkcrew shaped pigtail butt plug. (thanks Tassy! Only I'm at work and trying to shake the visual ...)
Posted by: Xdm | November 18, 2004 05:17 AM
So at the risk of sounding like I'm from the Midwest, what's the pigtail for? Everything else is self-explorator... I mean, explanatory.
Posted by: AVERAGE JOE | November 18, 2004 06:31 AM
Hal beat me to the punch.
"I think that's why they ask you to rewind your tapes. Nobody wants to know where you finish."
Perfect.
Posted by: jim (kaya) | November 18, 2004 07:14 AM
it says you are WAAAAAAY too into the atkins diet, tassy.
Posted by: the mighty jimbo | November 18, 2004 07:27 AM
As mentioned twice already .. best blog-line i've read in a while.
"Nobody wants to know where you finish."
Posted by: web | November 18, 2004 08:31 AM
Actually Vh1 is casting for a show where you can compete to be Jerry Hall's kept man. ;)
just go to vhi.com and go to casting page (under shows i think), you'll find it there
Posted by: Melinda | November 18, 2004 06:42 PM
i'm not sure i want to be with anyone who has been with mick.
that may however significantly narrow my former super model options.
Posted by: the mighty jimbo | November 18, 2004 08:54 PM
I recently saw a Greg Kinnear movie on cable (Auto Focus), the one where he plays the star from Hogan's Heroes ... based on a true story, of course. Anyway, there's a scene where he shows his best friend (Willem Dafoe) his penis after he got it enlarged. It's a bit like how you just described it, actually. Kind of disturbing.
Posted by: April | November 19, 2004 01:44 PM
An amazing percentage of young women in Utah get breast augmentation - which I estimate is related to the intense social competition to get married. Interesting that it one place it's a means of social conformity, and that of social competition in another; either way, there is an element of female-to-female aggression.
It seems like us all-natural girls are becoming the minority. Apparently, true happiness lies in boobies (but you men have known that for awhile, huh?).
Posted by: Anna | November 20, 2004 12:48 AM
keep fighting, girls... keep fighting...
Posted by: SEAN | November 20, 2004 07:34 PM
The good thing about DVDs: no one can tell "where you finish".
The bad thing about DVDs: sticky fingerprints.
Posted by: passerby | November 23, 2004 09:01 AM