Abuser.
Heather , don't feel too badly about tossing your kid head first into the rafters. It doesn't make you a bad parent, and from what I can tell, kids are pretty much made from the same material as a Super Pinky. They bounce real, real well. If an over zealous game of toss the urchin will get your breeder's license revoked, I think we all are guilty of child abuse. My mother for sure, but that's just for forcing us all to endure nearly two decades worth of Barry Mannilow LPs.
I once put a four-year-old I used to watch on my shoulders and ran him head first into a spinning ceiling fan. Whack! I could tell both from the sound of the wallop and the look on his face that the smack hurt too, but he didn't shed a tear. Just rubbed his head and bit his lip real hard. Tough little dude.
I also walked my climbing partner's darling little daughter into an unseen patch of low hanging blackberry briars while we were hiking to a climbing wall in Squamish - and subsequently tore her three-year-old face all to hell. Oh my God, I would have cut off a limb to have had the chance to go back and prevent that. I swear, she almost got a free college education from me I felt so badly.
Never in my life I have felt like a sorrier excuse for a human being. Well, there was that one time I gave a pet rabbit a bloody nose, but let's not talk about that. My friends at PETA still won't return my calls.
Comments
I love you, Jimbo!!!!
Posted by: Devorah | December 13, 2004 05:50 AM
Given the hell that I've put my dog through, I'm just grateful that there we don't have mandated sterilization for people who show little promise as care takers.
Posted by: Kaycee | December 13, 2004 11:09 AM
Should I ever ask, remind me to not ask you to water my plants or feed my fish.
Posted by: jimbo east | December 13, 2004 01:24 PM
No permanent scars? That's just a part of being a kid. God, my parents did a lot worse when I was growing up.
At least they meant well. And, I'm not that 'damaged' from it all.
Err, maybe a little.
Posted by: NetChick | December 13, 2004 02:41 PM
blood good.
Posted by: SEAN | December 13, 2004 07:35 PM
im totally good with house plants and dogs. people and rabbits, not so much.
Posted by: the mighty jimbo | December 13, 2004 08:12 PM
I was changing my daughter's diaper one time (a real, CLOTH diaper, with REAL safety pins), and after I fastened the last pin I noticed she was looking up at me with a silent, wide-open mouthed scream. I was like, "what's wrong sweetie?" Still the silent scream. I kind of rubbed her tummy a little and said, "c'mon you little cutie, what's up?" then I leaned over and looked down her cute little belly as I pulled up on the diaper...yup, you guessed it - I put the pin through her skin as well as the diaper and HOOKED IT. I SKEWERED MY KID WITH A SAFETY PIN AND FASTENED IT. I AM providing a free college education for that one....
Posted by: Razor | December 14, 2004 01:44 PM
I'm afraid to have children now. )= Because I know I'm so going to do all of these things.
Posted by: Aya | December 14, 2004 08:39 PM
i bet every pre-pampers baby has been skewered once or twice.
Posted by: the mighty jimbo | December 14, 2004 09:05 PM
My mom loves to tell this story. My mom was away at a conference or something, so my Dad was in charge of everything- including diaper duty and four wee ones. My mom wouldn't consider pampers for environmental/cost factors. While changing brother #3 (who could talk at this time), he looked up at dad with a pitiful little face and said, "Daddy, don't poke me."
It's okay though, the same brother got his revenge when he backed the pickup truck over our swingset at the age of four. How that happened, no one will ever know.
Posted by: Ms.Malcontent | December 15, 2004 01:23 PM