I am so NOT going to forget your birthday on Sunday. I will not be too stupid or too drunk or too busy carousing with slutty girls. I'm the good one in this family.

You will so. You are an insensitive jackass, no matter how many of my friends want to jump you. Don't argue with me. I'm a lawyer.

So? I'm clearly the smart one in the family. And the prettiest. Just cause mom likes you best does not make you right.

Look at the date, jackass.

Hate it when the bitch is right. Now I have to send her a hot Argentine boy in the mail. I don't even want to know the kind of postage that's gonna take.

Happy birthday, Boo! I love you more than anybody in the world. Except your dog. I love him maybe a little bit more. I'm stealing him when I come home.