Antarctica.

So you people want to go to Antarctica? Ok. I’ll tell you how.

There are roughly 75 different boats that leave for the white continent all through the season, a season that lasts from November to March. You cannot go at any other time as a tourist unless you are both rich and crazy and can land a plane on the icecap. And happen to like temperatures of forty below. But really, who doesn’t?

Nearly all of the boats leave from Ushuaia, Argentina, the southernmost city in South America. Tours when booked in western countries tend to cost between $4000 and $20,000 depending on the length of your trip, chosen destinations, and activities. My trip was a standard “Classic Antarctica” peninsula trip and cost me roughly $4400, booked less than two months in advance from a tour agency I found online. The company that ran my tour is called Quark Expeditions, and you can find them online as well. It was aboard a small, Russian research vessel called the Akademik Shokalskiy. Small boats offer a more intimate experience and better landings, larger boats are more comfortable and easier in the dreaded Drake. All of you will have to cross the Drake. All of you will get seasick. All of you. Bring seasickness pills. Not Dramamine. Not the patch. Phenergan. It's what astronauts use.

A ticket to Buenos Aires, if you are creative with your Internet efforts can be had for as little as $700. Maybe less. If you are spending more than $1000, you can probably do better. A second flight will be needed for Ushuaia. This should cost you no more than $120 if you purchase it in Buenos Aires from Aerolinas Argentinas. Do NOT book it from their website. It will cost you significantly more.

With the current rate of exchange (roughly three to one), I have been staying in cheap hotels with private rooms for under ten dollars a day, and food, GOOD food, can easily be had for five dollars a meal. Taxis to and from airports should never cost more than ten bucks, and you should probably budget a few bucks for postcards and such. Bring a good digital camera or borrow one from a friend. Bring lots of memory cards. You will need them. If you have an SLR bring a polarizing filter. You will be glad you did.

You need ten days for the trip, and should probably stack at least three days on the start of your trip and one day on the end to ensure you make the required connections. Plan on three weeks away from work. This is a safe number that leaves you with plenty of travel time and a day or so in Buenos Aires to catch a tango show. For a few dollars and a day or so more ($75 for the flight and another $50 in travel expenses) you can scoot out to Calafate from Ushuaia to see the Moreno Glacier. And really. Soooooo worth the effort.

You will need several layers of fleece, a good pair of nylon or waterproof gloves, a fleece hat, ski or rain pants, and a good parka and a pair of Wellington rubber boots. You will be happy if you spring for the Gore-Tex, but really, it’s unnecessary. Shackleton didn’t have Gore-Tex. You can rent the parka and boots in Ushuaia cheaply if need be ($10 each), but if you live anywhere in the Midwest, Northeast, or Pacific Northwest, you likely already have the clothing you will need for an Antarctic summer or know friends who can loan you some. Just don’t tell them what a penguin smells like first.

So what is this going to cost? $5500 and you too can smell like penguin shit – possibly forever. Seems like a lot of money? What did you spend on Christmas last year? Did you really need that new wide screen? Can you sacrifice cable TV for a few years? Throw in a few tax returns and a bit of manageable debt, and you can have a life changing experience too. Seems like a good investment to me.

Ah but wait. There’s more.

It doesn’t HAVE to cost that much. I know that there are a few spots aboard Chilean military vessels that can get you there and back for as little as $500 bucks. I am not kidding. Pick up a Lonely Planet Guide or get on the Internet to learn more. These spots disappear a year in advance so you better get on the Internet and start looking soon. There are also private yachts that leave from Ushuaia. I’m told you can sometimes barter a spot on those. In addition, tour companies hire chefs, naturalists, doctors - lots of people to work aboard the vessels. Got a season and want to go for free? It’s not impossible.

Now here’s the really dirty little secret. From what I can tell, at least later in the season, almost every boat that docks in Ushuaia has walk-on spots available. Last year those tickets could have been purchased in Ushuaia for $800. This year they were $2500. Next year, admittedly, it’s likely to be more. I met people who showed up in Ushuaia, walked into one of the dozens of tour company offices lining San Martin, and two hours later were en route to molest penguin chicks. That’s $2500 for the ticket, $1000 in airfare (less if you find a good deal), $300 in food and expenses (less if you live cheaply), and you get some good, healthy, old-fashioned penguin lust. I know some of you have televisions that cost more than that. How much did you spend on shoes or sushi or movies or Starbucks or Bud Light? Ok, so maybe we shouldn’t talk about sacrificing the caffeine or alcohol, we aren’t about to become savages here, but I think you know what I mean.

It comes down to what’s important to you. I know we all have different lives and different needs and different dreams and different pains. I know that $3800 can seem an impossible amount of money. What I am trying to tell you is that it really isn’t. Inspired by Antarctica? According to the mail I keep getting, many of you are. The question I have to ask is what are you willing to spend to enrich your life? What are you willing to sacrifice for a view of the world larger than the box in your living room? For some people, this isn’t a priority. I can accept that.

But for me, it’s the very reason I live.