Dear Andrew,

I don't know if you saw the sunrise on Thursday morning. I'd like to think that maybe you did. It was a glorious morning. Orange skies. Calm, metallic, almost iridescent seas. The air was still. Crisp. I hope you got to see it. I suspect you missed it. But I hope you didn't.

I don't know if you saw the dolphins swimming just a few yards off the shore. I'd like to think that maybe you did. They have been around lately. There must be a lot of fish out there. I even saw sea lions earlier in the week.

I don't know if it was dark or if it was cold. It must have been early. It probably seemed especially dark and especially cold to you at that hour. I don't know how you were feeling or why you were feeling the way you were. I won't judge you. I won't presume to know what you did or what was done to you. I only know it was another glorious morning in OC.

I thought you might have hit the bars a little too hard the night before when I jogged past you and your two friends on Thursday morning. I figured it must have been a rough night to pass out on the wet and cold sand just after high tide. Your pants must have been soaked. I know I couldn't have slept through that, no matter how high I tipped that bottle.

But twenty steps down the sand I realized that all wasn't right in that scene. I couldn't put my finger on it. But I knew you needed help. And I couldn't figure out why those two ladies were just standing there talking on the phone. So I turned around and turned off my iPod and knelt down to say hello. And I looked at your fingers curled like an infant's. I saw the grimace on your lips. And I looked into glassy, milky, gray eyes.

And then I saw the shotgun in the sand.

I don't know if you saw the sunrise that morning. I really hope you did. Maybe it would have given you hope. Or maybe it let your last sight be one of beauty. But if I had to find you, I only wish I could have found you a few hours earlier. Maybe we could have talked of dolphins. Maybe you would have let Josh lick your face. Maybe we could have seen the sunrise.

At twenty years old, there are just so many sunrises left to see.

But I hope you saw that last one. It was glorious.

God bless you, Andrew. I know you desperately needed his blessings before. But at the very least, I hope you have them now.