Ugh. Orlando.

Can someone PLEASE explain to me why the tap water here tastes like it was filtered through the rectum of a rotting skunk?

I'm stuck in a mosquito infested "hotel" (the Metropolitan "Resort" for those of you taking notes) and am forced to sit in the lobby to connect to this thing they are only now discovering in central Florida called the "internet." And to top it off, I'm driving a crappy Toyota Carolla that some fucker used as an ashtray before I got it.

For every trip to a Four Seasons, the road warrior has to endure some semen stained mattress in some suburban hell.

Still, for all my bitching, I gotta admire the developers (ie Walt Disney) who created this corporate sponsored shit hole. It takes a shiny, impressive pair of balls to look at a fetid, gator filled swamp in the middle of America's stinky, sweaty penis of a state, and believe that you could convince EVERYONE in the country (if not the world) that they absolutely need to come here for their one annual vacation.

And by God, if he didn't pull it off. Vegas and Orlando. Living, shining testaments to American ingenuity, ambition, and utter idiocy.

It's been a long day. Off to bed for Mr. Cranky pants.

Ciao.