For the FIRST time since 1982, I have a video game console. That's right. I haven't had a gaming system since the original Atari 2600 (and I bet you I STILL could flip "Asteroids").

I got a Wii. I did. Only took me three weeks to find one, too. I got the last one at Best Buy (literally five seconds before someone arrived behind me) a few weeks ago. My electric bill hasn't been the same since.

More importantly, however, with the Wii, I got this stupid Mario Kart. This stupid, frustrating, humiliating Mario Kart. The game that made me run out to buy a Wii. The game in which I'm ROUTINELY SPANKED by my girlfriend. Every game. Every time.

Damn her and her Koopa Troopa.

The competition gets so heated sometimes that the neighbors have actually stopped over to ask just what the hell is going on.

Nothing. I'm just getting my butt kicked.

By a girl.

It's enough to give me, well, asteroids.