Saturday, April 13, 2002
During a romantically charged email exchange I asked a female friend of mine if she would loan me 150K to help with my entry into SoCal's notorious real estate market. She replied sure - if she gets a two carat emerald cut diamond as collateral. Touche, girlfriend. Touche.
Jim Parisi
I got out bid on the condo. I really want to up the ante, but I can barely afford what I offered. It's an amazing pad. Newport Beach, three bedroom, three bath, end unit condo with a big two car garage, hardwood floors, sunken living room, fireplace, huge master bedroom with vault ceilings, windowed loft above the master closet, and a separate den attached to the master bedroom already built out into a home office. And did I mention the ocean view from the two balconies? Like I said - an amazing pad. I need to find a way to come up with an extra 30K quick. I wonder what that comic book collection is worth. And how many times could I go to the sperm bank in a weekend?
Jim Parisi
Friday, April 12, 2002
Ok, one more time...
Vegetable: A plant, such as the beet or spinach, cultivated for an edible part, such as the root stem, leaf, or flower.
Vegetarianism: The practice of or belief in eating a diet consisting of grain, fruits, nuts, seeds, and sometimes dairy products.
A "chicken" is NOT a vegetable, and if you eat chicken regularly, you are NOT a vegetarian.
A "fish" is NOT a vegetable, and if you eat fish regularly, you are NOT a vegetarian.
The day you go out to the chicken tree and pull off a leg, then you can call yourself a vegetarian. Until then, stop making that claim.
Jim Parisi
Thursday, April 11, 2002
I have listened to Love Line nightly for almost seven years now. Adam just kills me. But beyond that, it's very empowering. No matter how bad my love life seems, it's reassuring to know I'm in way, WAY better shape than the speed-addicted, bisexual, 18 year old stripper with three kids, an abusive ex-con boyfriend who wants a threesome with her sister, a pedophile stepfather, a yeast infection, two infected nipple piercings and no ability to have an orgasm.
Jim Parisi
Wednesday, April 10, 2002
I just faxed a contract to my real estate agent. I made an offer on a condo. There is no guarantee they will accept it, but this was a big step into the dark for me. Have you ever looked at the cost of a home in SoCal? And not just the price of the house, but the TOTAL expenditure including mortgage, interest, taxes, fees, therapy, blood, sweat, tears, all over the next thirty years. It's mind boggling. I just signed a contract that says I am prepared to spend thirty years and somewhere close to one million dollars on a condo. Now if you will excuse me I'm going to hide in the corner and tremble.
Jim Parisi
They are paving the street in front of my house. Last week they had to rebuild the retaining wall on the harbor. It seems some ambitious young woman tried to take a short cut to Lido Island Evil Kinivel style and launched her Toyota through the three foot concrete retainer and about thirty feet into Newport Harbor. They were fishing the car out when I got home from Seattle. Maybe she should try again now that we have a better surface to launch from. Yep, Darwin Award winners, right here in Orange County.
Jim Parisi
Tuesday, April 09, 2002
I am having a network nightmare. I tried for over a month to get my wireless network working successfully. Then my cable modem needed swapping. Which subsequently killed my wireless network, and now I can't get the Mac to connect at all - even through ethernet. I'm in TCPIP hell. Update: The new cable modem requires a router. The old one did not. Grumble.
Jim Parisi
Monday, April 08, 2002
I have been having a grooming debate with a friend of mine. He's grown a pretty healthy beard. He's in grad school - academics consider this look a requirement for graduation. He is also convinced the chicks dig this. I am convinced they are merely being polite. A beard is a fairly risky fashion accessory. A well groomed vacation version might fly. And it's important that all men give this look a go at least once in their life. But for attracting a mate, the chin warmer is probably only gonna land a Phish fanatic or a similarly unshaved resident of Humbolt County. Unless of course you look like Brad Pitt, and then a little well trimmed stubble gives you the rugged, Earth Day, too hip to shave kinda deal. Oh who am I kidding. Brad could smear fecal matter on his chin and still see more action than an entire regiment of Marines. Regardless, I think the full blown neanderthal beard is a serious fashion faux pas for anyone not spending a season at Everest base camp or living in an Arctic research facility. Or captain of an Alaskan fishing trawler. Or playing guitar in a Texas based 70's rock and blues threesome. I think he should warm up the Norelco. Smooth! Sophisticated! Gentle on a woman's sensitive skin! Won't entrap misdirected food particles! Of course, I once had a ponytail. And a mullet. And he probably gets ten times the action I do, thus my advice is pretty suspect. So ladies, what's your call? Dig the chin warmers, or long for schick shave?
Jim Parisi
Oh yeah, and my father is doing OK. He is frustrated with being stuck in the hospital and is probably going home today.
Jim Parisi
I'm getting better. I woke up on Sunday and felt amost human. Almost. I sound like you sealed off my nasal cavity with spackle, and I still have coughing fits violent enough to dislodge internal organs (was that my pancreas?). However, it's a huge improvement from last week. If I'm feeling up to it, I might even try to get to the gym tonight to spin on the bike for a while or climb the wall a few times. That's sure to depress me. I have hardly climbed since October. My hands have become soft, my technique is way off, and much of my confidence was left in Utah after my head bounced off the ground. I have a lot of work to do if I want to attempt El Capitan again this fall. I suppose I can work on all that after I have lungs that work.
Jim Parisi
