Saturday, April 27, 2002
I learned how to ride a motorcycle today. Well, sort of. I learned how to push a motorcycle today after I killed the battery stalling it about a dozen times in the dirt. And I learned how to fall off of one by going around a corner too fast in the dirt. And how to avoid impalling myself on any number of cacti while falling off of one while going around a corner too fast in the dirt. Again, I think I should stick with nice safe sports. Like rock climbing.
Jim Parisi
Thursday, April 25, 2002
White Guys Doing Jazzercize.
Jim Parisi
I'm in San Francisco. I was up until two last night taking care of things since I will be traveling for the next six days. I left two minutes later than usual for my 7:45 flight and got to the airport two minutes later than normal. This was an excessively busy travel day and the security line was excessively long. They closed the door to my flight two minutes before I got to the gate. I had to switch to a flight to Oakland to make my 11AM meeting. But Oakland had run out of rental cars. I had to take an $80 cab ride. During the cab ride my customer called to cancel the meeting. This is the life of a road warrior. Don't let the frequent flyer miles fool you. It's a bitch.
Jim Parisi
Wednesday, April 24, 2002
I went back to the doctor today. I feel like I'm starting to relapse into that sinus infection. I am having a hell of a time shaking this thing. I notice it keeps coming back after weekends of excessive social indulgence. I gotta lay off the sauce. And the late nights. And meeting girls. Wait a minute - thats the mistake I made in college. I guess I'm doomed to be stuffy all the time. On the up side, I met ANOTHER hot doctor. I gotta find more reasons to visit the urgent care clinic late at night. What's a good pick up line to use on a woman who just asked you to open up and say "ah"?
Jim Parisi
I caught a digital STD. I got a virus. Some email worm that has sent spam to my mailing list in Entourage. I feel so violated. So dirty. I downloaded Norton's Antivirus and came up clean, but my email still has that occasional unintiated, cloudy discharge. I may need some stronger medicine. Now if I could only do something about that burning sensation when I urinate...
Jim Parisi
Tuesday, April 23, 2002
They gave us digital cameras at the retreat in Palm Springs. And on the last night, they threw us a big party complete with a 70s funk band and the Soul Train Dancers. A colleague of mine didn't think I had the balls to go dance with the pros. He clearly doesn't know me very well. Because ten seconds later I was on the stage with the band, getting freaky with my funky white self and some nubile fly girls. This of course seemed like a good idea at the time. But I forgot that every person in the room, including five of my division coworkers, had in their hands a shiny new digital camera. I am doomed to see mpegs of me shakin my groove thang for the next decade.
Jim Parisi
I'm back from Palm Springs. I have three new observations. One: Golf is not, to my surprise, as boring a game as I anticipated. Two: I am, in fact, better at golf than I anticipated. Three: I remain, however, as uninterested in playing golf as I anticipated. I'll stick with rocks, bikes, mountains, and other activities that might make me bleed.
Jim Parisi
Monday, April 22, 2002
Sorry for the recent silence...I need to find a better word. This is text after all. How about inactivity. Aaaaanyway, I have been in Palm Springs since Saturday. I won a sales award and have been blessed with a three day stay at the Westin Resort out here. It's very decadent. Very manicured. Very safe. Golfing. Spas. Manufactured fountains and lawns and meals and music and lots of corporate rah rahs. I had to tear my fingers up at Joshua Tree yesterday just to feel like I deserved this kind of pampering. It's been a good time, even if it isn't my bag of chips. They have planned lots of activities for us since we got here. Again, none of them in Jimbo's usual MO. These activities are of course designed for the 45 year old sales manager who hasn't done more than the 16 ounce curl in 25 years. Some of these activities include a 13 mile downhill bike ride (read coast). It takes four hours. I ride 13 miles in about 45 minutes. Or a "breathtaking" ride up the gondola here in Palm Springs. I have of course hung upside down off a rope 2000 feet above Yosemite. Not really my speed. Here's the funny part. The activity I was randomly selected to participate in - the Rock and Dunk. An "experience of a lifetime" climbing a simulated "rock" wall, tented and humidified for "comfort". My life is filled with irony.
Jim Parisi
