Friday, December 13, 2002
Dooce, you are TOO much. I would sell a testicle to write as well as you. Maybe even two.
Jim Parisi
We have started talking again. It's strange. It's risky. It's comfortable. I'm guarded. I'm open. I'm curious. I'm aprehensive. I'm relieved. And most surprising, I'm hopeful.
Jim Parisi
Thursday, December 12, 2002
Here's a question: Why do they put expiration dates on bottled water? It's bottled. It's water. It's purified. What the hell is gonna rot? Turn? Go bad? It's PURIFIED WATER!!!! Ahem... Purify: to make pure. Am I to assume that my definition of pure is different from someone else's? Any food scientists reading this, or perhaps more appropriately, corporate attorneys, please let me know just what the hell I am missing - or getting - in my purified water.
Jim Parisi
Just had an uncontrollable fit of the giggles. Watching must see TV (potato boy), and was helplessly amused by a commercial for Pantene that asked me, of all people, "Don't you wish you could undo what YOU do to your hair every week?" Uhhh....yeah. Nothing that a little miracle grow couldn't help.
What I really need is something that could help me undo what I do to my *scalp* every weekend. Razor burn behind the ears is no fun.
Jim Parisi
Wednesday, December 11, 2002
So my roommates and I all went to the Standard Hotel in downtown LA last weekend to celebrate Mike's birthday at their roof bar. The Standard is a pretty hip joint, but not so much so on a Saturday Night. No self respecting hipster goes downtown in LA on a weekend. Despite the lackluster crowd, I did meet my first horror queen - Debra Mayer. She's an actress who stars primarily in slasher flicks. I suspect that's a pretty fun gig, getting all grisly with fake blood and appendages and such. I wonder if wardrobe lets her keep the dominatrix gear? Just hope she doesn't take too much of her work home with her. "Honey, have you seen my severed head? I'm late for work!"
It was a good time, even if the Standard's Gestapo security personnel were a bit too over zealous. They won't even let you visit the room of a guest in the hotel - regardless if they have invited you up. Word of advice to the management from someone who a) used to work in the industry, and b) spends a whole shitload of time living in hotels: Relax. Treat your guests like guests. Not like inconveniences. It goes over better. As a result of my experience there, I wouldn't stay at the Standard if I wanted a trendy, minimalist, artsy hotel experience. I'd stay at a W instead. All the hip, with plenty of ass kissing too. And believe me, I'm not above a little ass kissing when I'm dropping three bills a night for a hotel room.
Jim Parisi
I'm a bit embarrassed to admit this, but for two weekends in a row, I have inexpiably found myself in a living room, in front of a television set, and watching the Gilmore Girls. Now, to be clear, I did not intentionally tune into this program either time. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time to see this show broadcast. I'm gonna come clean with all of you. I...I...liked it. A lot. I'm a fan of the Gilmore Girls. And I'm not ashamed to admit it. Snappy. Touching. Besides, Lauren Graham who plays the lead role of Lorelai Gilmore, is a serious MILF. Damn is she a world class hottie. Despite my coming out of the girls closet, I am a bit disturbed at just how much I enjoyed the program, Lorelai's picture perfect rear-end not withstanding. I really, really need to get back in touch with my masculine side. Somebody strap me in front of a football game with a pizza and a beer.
Jim Parisi
Tuesday, December 10, 2002
Ok, people are starting to freak me out. Sure, I'm OK with people finding my site looking for sexually explicit vegetable matter. I'm not even freaked out with the occasional pedophile finding digitalcatharsis in a search for nubile girls or some other twisted attempt to assuage their own demons. As vile as they are, I'm disgusted, but not freaked. I'm even OK with searches for scabbing sores and peanut butter bikinis and rock climbing naked. But David Lee Roth anal? David Lee Roth? What next? Alex Van Halen threesomes? Michael Anthony BJ's? Sammy Hagar sodomy? Actually, no one really cares about Sammy. But defiling the memory of the greatest hard rock band of the early 80's? Tarnishing the sweaty shine of Diamond Dave? How dare you! Get help man. Get help.
Jim Parisi
Monday, December 09, 2002
My roommate gets the weekend newspaper. And 90% of the time they sit in the wrapper, totally unread. Or they sit on our kitchen counter out of the wrapper. Also totally unread. This is why I stopped getting the paper five years ago. Everyone, seven days a week, sat in the wrapper, totally unread. I had massive piles of paper to take to recycling every month. It's a waste of trees. Anyone have a whole lot of bird cages that need papering? How about a life size paper-mache project of the Eiffel Tower - cause I'm your man if you need resources. Listen kids, if you are reading this, then here's a hot tip for you, the news, all of it, you can get it online for free also. Free, fast, and no dirty thumbprints. The internet, it's not just for porn anymore.
Jim Parisi
Sunday, December 08, 2002
Speaking of minty fresh, I seriously wish some people would spend a bit more time making sure they were that way more often. On Friday, after boarding the American Eagle commuter flight from SFO to John Wayne, someone got on the plane smelling like they had just rolled in their own feces. We are talking a full blown, uber-nasty, rotting flesh kinda stink. The kind of stench that would gag a pig. And this was the little American Eagle flight. A commuter jet. Very tight quarters. Compressed air. And a whole lot of passengers looking around disdainfully, trying to figure out from what person that noxious miasma was emitted. Keeping the little air vent blowing on my face certainly didn't help anything as it just redirected the already tainted air directly toward my offended nostrils. Please, people, bathe before boarding the plane. Why don't they make THAT part of the security check? And the beef and bean big-boy burrito you were contemplating for lunch - not a good idea.
Jim Parisi
Just when you think they had thought of everything, someone goes and proves you wrong. I give you Sphincterine. So...are YOU feeling minty-fresh today?
Editorial note: Although I have absolutely no personal, consumer interest in their product, I gotta admit, I LOVE the domain name, www.mintyass.com. I so wish I had registered that.
Jim Parisi
